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When is it worth it?

September 2nd, 2007 at 02:20 pm

My DH and I argue about money vs. time quite a bit of the time. He works his full time job and then does handyman side jobs on the side. Like 6 days of the week. I would like him to be at home to help me with the kids, or just plain be active in their lives. At what point is getting out of debt worth it? Don't get me wrong, I would love to be 100% out of debt, but it's not going to happen overnight, nor probably within the next few years. I want him to be present in their lives and heck MINE too. I married him to have a relationship with him-FOREVER. But being with my children for 6 days a week straight isn't good for my sanity level. Anyone else dealing with these kind of issues? I'm almost ready to tell him to quit the side jobs completely, but they're helping us not put things on the CC's. UGH...what to do?

6 Responses to “When is it worth it?”

  1. disneysteve Says:

    I think many of us face that at some point. In 2000, I left my job voluntarily because I was miserable. I was working constantly. My daughter, who was 4 at the time, was growing up without me around most of the time. My wife missed me. And I was always stressed. The money was good, though. But my wife and I talked and agreed that it had to stop, even if it meant giving up the income.

    So I quit. I didn't have another job lined up. In fact, I ended up being unemployed for about 3 months. When I did go back to work, it was part-time at first making a lot less than at my previous job. It was nearly 2 years before my income was back to what I had been making at the job I left. But I was way happier. My wife was happier. And we got to spend a lot more time together as a family.

    And yes, we were in debt at the time. I was still repaying my student loans. Changing jobs lengthened that repayment by about 2 years but it was well worth it.

  2. Broken Arrow Says:

    Hmm. I've been there too. However, I don't have an easy answer for you, since my ex and I never did quite figure that one out. At the time, I looked at it in terms of the price we pay for what we want. Everything has a trade-off... and I really don't know what to tell you. With 3 kids being so young, I can't imagine it being so easy.

    However, what I can say is that I sympathize and feel for you. I understand the difficulty that you must be facing, but I hope that you will take comfort in knowing that even this is temporary. In time, it will gradually get easier I think, with the kids finally off to school or at least be more self-sufficient and able to tell you about what's bothering them.

    Take care.

  3. amberbamber Says:

    Both of you have some good advice...Everything does have a trade-off. We just need to figure it out.

  4. LuckyRobin Says:

    Is there anyone who can take the kids for you once a week to give you some relief? Like grandparents, aunts and uncles, someone? Even if its just for 3 or 4 hours, it will help you maintain your sanity. I know how hard it can be and fortunately I had a lot of extended family around when mine were that little. Even now, my mother will often take them for an overnight once a week.

    It is very easy to get stressed out as a SAHM when the DH is seldom around and when he is around he is too tired to do anything. And of course he's stressed out from constantly working. It's never easy.

    What about a mother's helper? I used to have a twelve year old girl come in two afternoon's a week, she would stay for 3 hours and play with the kids while I locked myself in my bedroom and got some time to myself. It cost me $30 a week but it was worth the expense and it did wonders for my sanity.

  5. amberbamber Says:

    No family unfortunately. When we decided to move to NC from IN that was the hardest con against it. But in the end the job movement prevailed. It's been extremely tough not having ANY family around. I do have friends that would take the kids for an hour or so, but I would have to re-iterate and at some point 5+ kids isn't worth it to me.

    I've also looked into the Mother's Helper and payment around here is much more than that, even for a 12 year old. Plus- we live out in the country- so I would be driving back and forth to pick up/drop off the MH...not cost effective either way. Payment here is like $14 an hour for 2 kids, and I have THREE. Ouch!

    Thank you for your suggestions though...

  6. reflectionite Says:

    i guess i am pretty much the opposite of you! i work 6 days a week and my BF wants me to cut back to 4 or 5 days a week because he thinks i work too much. the problem is, i see this as my prime "working" years. I'm 20, no kids, no study, only a small amount of manageable debt (around 2k) and not a whole lot of expenses. i get tired a lot, and always look forward to my days off and holidays, but i guess what you have to do is what feels right for you. maybe you could suggest to him just cutting back a bit, maybe 3/4 or 1/2 what he does now. compromise is good, rather than "my way or the highway".

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